Surviving Infertility


I stood in the back of the church fighting hard not to cry.  As people streamed in for the service, they were all congratulating our dear friends who had just announced they were expecting their first child.

“Way to pass one by the goalie,” one man quipped as he high-fived the father-to-be.

“I must have a really good goalie,” I thought wanting to run away and hide.

I had “survived” other friend’s announcements of pregnancy, but this time was the hardest.   In my mind, this couple represented the last of our married friends who didn’t have kids yet.  I loved my friend and wanted to be happy and rejoice with her.   I didn’t want to feel sad or jealous.  I didn’t want her to see me cry and make her feel badly.

Inside I was screaming, “Lord, help me!  Help me to rejoice with my friend.  I know I am your child and I can trust You!  (and please, please don’t let me cry!)”

As the service began, my emotions threatened to spill out.  My eyes welled up and my throat burned.  “Lord, please help me” I begged.  “I don’t want to feel this way and I know only You can change my heart.”

During the sermon, our Pastor turned to John 9:1-3:

“As he passed by, he saw a man blind from birth. And his disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” Jesus answered, “It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him.”


I knew in that moment that God would use my infertility to display His works in my life.  I knew God created me and He alone knew why I couldn’t conceive.   Sitting there in the pew, I had no idea what it would mean, but I was confident that God would use me.  “Lord, please use my life, so that when others see it, they want You.”

That moment was around 10 years ago.  I still get emotional thinking about it—not because of how sad I felt, but because I now have a clearer picture of how God has used my infertility.  I would not trade my infertility for the ability to conceive—it has made me who I am and it has created our beautiful family.  Through it, God has shown me His perfect love.

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When going through infertility and then my son’s adoption process, I had very supportive friends, but none who understood what I was going through.  Since then, God has blessed me with several friends who have struggled or are struggling with infertility.  Their friendships mean so much to me.

Molly’s sister (and my friend) Emmy has been very open in sharing her story of infertility.  She is passionate about helping other women who are going through this difficult journey.  She has been an encouragement to me because she is one of the few women I know who totally gets it.

Emmy has organized a conference called Choose Joy for women who are going through infertility and adoption.  I am so excited to be attending this conference!  Emmy has lined up some amazing speakers –each with their own story and experience.   One of the speakers is a dear friend of mine who has been an amazing support to me (even when I have called her sobbing!) and I know she is going to be such a blessing to all the women who hear her (she knows who she is!).

Surviving Infertility_2

Would you join us in praying for this conference?  Pray that God would use Emmy and the speakers to encourage all the women in attendance.  Pray that God would comfort hearts and create friendships.  Infertility is not an easy topic and everyone experiences it differently—pray that there will be sensitivity and unity among all the women.

It’s not too late to sign up to attend!  If you live in Southern California and are interested in Choose Joy you can find more info at ChooseJoyEvent.com.deb


  1. Great post!

  2. Thank you so much for sharing, Deb!! I am so proud of you for seeing how God will be glorified through your circumstances and for reaching out to other women. <3. It annoys me when people act exasperated that we could consider having more children – commenting how much work they are, how expensive they are, how they don't allow for any "me" time, etc. There was a time that I didn't know if we'd be able to have children either. With that, I count every one as an added blessing, not a burden at all. Children are absolute gifts no matter how they come to us. Christ has the perfect plan for all of that and we need to continue to glorify him with one child, no children or a dozen. <3 Thank you for sharing!

  3. Thank you!

  4. I’m in tears What a beautiful story of Gods love and faithfulness. Thanks for sharing Deb!!

  5. Thank you for sharing Deb. Put me to tears too. I can’t even begin to imagine what you’ve been through on this journey but I know God’s light has always shined through you. I’ll be praying!! I love you all and miss you dearly.

  6. I love you my dear sweet friend! Beautiful struggle! Beautiful life!

  7. Karen Sturgeon says

    I’m so happy to hear of this seminar and support for women who are infertile. I’ll be praying for Deb and for each woman attending. May God bless them all with His presence and love!

  8. Deb, I’m so thankful for how God has used you! And I am so thankful that The Lord saved Cole for you!!!! Yes, God knows what He is doing! Thank you for sharing your heart and for plugging Emmy’s event. Praying that many will be comforted, encouraged, and blessed! Love you!

  9. Praise God for the message and ministry He has given you through His design for your precious family! What a blessing to be able to support and encourage others on similar journeys. I have always been grateful for the perspective you’ve shared. We miss you! May the Lord continue to bless this ministry. Love ya, Deb!

  10. Beautiful post Deb.

  11. Loved you then! Love you still!

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