I stood in the back of the church fighting hard not to cry. As people streamed in for the service, they were all congratulating our dear friends who had just announced they were expecting their first child.
“Way to pass one by the goalie,” one man quipped as he high-fived the father-to-be.
“I must have a really good goalie,” I thought wanting to run away and hide.
I had “survived” other friend’s announcements of pregnancy, but this time was the hardest. In my mind, this couple represented the last of our married friends who didn’t have kids yet. I loved my friend and wanted to be happy and rejoice with her. I didn’t want to feel sad or jealous. I didn’t want her to see me cry and make her feel badly.
Inside I was screaming, “Lord, help me! Help me to rejoice with my friend. I know I am your child and I can trust You! (and please, please don’t let me cry!)”
As the service began, my emotions threatened to spill out. My eyes welled up and my throat burned. “Lord, please help me” I begged. “I don’t want to feel this way and I know only You can change my heart.”
During the sermon, our Pastor turned to John 9:1-3:
“As he passed by, he saw a man blind from birth. And his disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” Jesus answered, “It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him.”
I knew in that moment that God would use my infertility to display His works in my life. I knew God created me and He alone knew why I couldn’t conceive. Sitting there in the pew, I had no idea what it would mean, but I was confident that God would use me. “Lord, please use my life, so that when others see it, they want You.”
That moment was around 10 years ago. I still get emotional thinking about it—not because of how sad I felt, but because I now have a clearer picture of how God has used my infertility. I would not trade my infertility for the ability to conceive—it has made me who I am and it has created our beautiful family. Through it, God has shown me His perfect love.
When going through infertility and then my son’s adoption process, I had very supportive friends, but none who understood what I was going through. Since then, God has blessed me with several friends who have struggled or are struggling with infertility. Their friendships mean so much to me.
Molly’s sister (and my friend) Emmy has been very open in sharing her story of infertility. She is passionate about helping other women who are going through this difficult journey. She has been an encouragement to me because she is one of the few women I know who totally gets it.
Emmy has organized a conference called Choose Joy for women who are going through infertility and adoption. I am so excited to be attending this conference! Emmy has lined up some amazing speakers –each with their own story and experience. One of the speakers is a dear friend of mine who has been an amazing support to me (even when I have called her sobbing!) and I know she is going to be such a blessing to all the women who hear her (she knows who she is!).
Would you join us in praying for this conference? Pray that God would use Emmy and the speakers to encourage all the women in attendance. Pray that God would comfort hearts and create friendships. Infertility is not an easy topic and everyone experiences it differently—pray that there will be sensitivity and unity among all the women.
It’s not too late to sign up to attend! If you live in Southern California and are interested in Choose Joy you can find more info at ChooseJoyEvent.com.